Even your boss knows to just leave you alone. |

Even your boss knows to just leave you alone. |

Even your boss knows to just leave you alone. |

Tells you how to do your job doesnt know how to do your job

Tells you how to do your job doesnt know how to do your job

Tells you how to do your job doesnt know how to do your job

Funny Work - Boss Quotes And Sayings Boss Quotes

Funny Work - Boss Quotes And Sayings Boss Quotes About: School Being Awesome Kids Doing Your Best Bosses Work Ethic Boss Quotes About: School Being Awesome Kids Doing Your Best Bosses Work Ethic Employees Work Goals Service Power Laughter Jokes Funny Facebook Status Humor Success Entrepreneurs Work Ethic Motivation Business Job Classy Women Independent Women Real Woman Strong Women Knowledge Jobs Wisdom Education Entrepreneurs Work Laziness Happy Friday Funny Friday Funny Facebook Status End Of The World Movies Leadership Funny Driving Police Funny Saying

I'm always nice at work ... #workjoke

I'm always nice at work ... #workjoke

I'm always nice at work ... #workjoke

Here are the rules for those who have nothing to do

Here are the rules for those who have nothing to do.
- Do not admit it.
- Wait impatiently for a work order, do not provoke it.
- Do not take ... those who actually work, do not jealous them especially.
- Adopt a resting position that gives an impression of work.
- Stay relaxed and endure without any apparent fatigue any inactivity, as long as it is.
- Love the job well done and for that do not hesitate to let him do it by more qualified comrades.
- One can love work and prefer rest: if some do not know how to work, others do not know how to stay idle.
- Do not suffer from any complex to report to the treasurer after a month without work.
- There are many more accidents at work than accidents at rest.
- Work is used, rest rarely: save ourselves.

CONCLUSION:

- Work is a beautiful invention, be selfish: LEAVE IT TO YOUR FRIENDS.

COLLECTIVE AGREEMENT Memorandum P 12/329 - Amendment to the collective agreement

BUSINESS - Memo ...

COLLECTIVE AGREEMENT
Memorandum P 12/329 - Amendment to the collective agreement
Thank you to take note of these new provisions from January 1st, 2018.

DRESS
It is better to dress according to the salary you receive. If you arrive with PRADA shoes at 350 euro or VUITTON bags at 600 euro, we will conclude that you have no economic problem, so you do not need any increase. If you dress too poorly we will conclude that you need to learn how to better manage your finances, so we will not be able to give you an increase. If you dress normally, it means everything is fine and you do not need an increase.

SICK DAYS
We do not accept medical certificates as proof of illness. If you could go to the doctor, it is because you can come to work as well.

HOLIDAYS
Each employee will be entitled to 104 days of leave called "Saturday" and "Sunday".

BATHROOM
We noticed too much wasted time in the bathroom. The new provisions therefore provide for a maximum of 3 minutes in the toilet.

After these 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will disappear, the door will open and a picture will be taken. At the second delay to the toilet, the photo will be exposed publicly.

THE DIRECTION.

A worker asks his boss:

A worker asks his boss:
- Boss is black a color?
The boss answers him:
Yes, black is a color.
- Boss is white and a color?
- Yes, white is a color.
The worker goes back to his friend and says:
- You were right, you sold me a color TV!

"The hierarchy of a company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different branches at different levels.

"The hierarchy of a company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different branches at different levels.
Some of the monkeys go up, others go down.
The monkeys from above look at the monkeys from below and see a tree with lots of smiling faces.
The monkeys from below look up and see nothing but assholes. "

A gardener tells his boss:

A gardener tells his boss:
- I assure you, sir that I accomplished my work with all my heart!
- Well, my friend, to vary a little, why not do it with your hands instead?

After two years of a very serious study and dealing with a very large staff,

After two years of a very serious study and dealing with a very large staff, the National Institute of High Statistical Studies has just provided its conclusions as to the French preferences in sports.
The most popular sport among unemployed people is basketball.
The most popular sport for people without qualification is bowling.
The most popular sport among skilled workers is Football.
The most popular sport among executives is Tennis.
The most popular sport among senior executives is Squash.
The most popular sport among business leaders is Golf.
The conclusion of the study is that the higher the situation in the world of work, the smaller the balls are.
I do not know your superiors but I advise you nevertheless not to transmit this message to them.
Me, I do not care, I like the hot air balloon races ...

It is a farmer who discovers one day that one of his chickens is laying only square eggs.

It is a farmer who discovers one day that one of his chickens is laying only square eggs.
Deciding to exploit this spectacular anomaly, he warns the INRA of his case, which is highly interested, takes the chicken in pension against a good compensation. The problem is that once installed at the INRA, the chicken starts laying eggs oval. Concluded to see the fact, the farmer goes to see his hen and asks him what's wrong. Which one answers to him then:
"Well then ... do you think I'll go on breaking my ass now that I'm a public servant?"

An official who had decided to do some cleaning in the cupboards of his office

An official who had decided to do some cleaning in the cupboards of his office, found, hidden under a pile of dusty cardboard, which looks very much like a gold-plated oil lamp.
Finding the object to his liking, the state employee decides to take him home to expose him on his chimney. In the evening, while he is polishing the lamp, a cloud of smoke invades the room and a genius appears:
"I am the genie of the lamp", says the extraordinary being, "and I can grant you three wishes"
Astonished and delighted, the official asks immediately:
"I would like to be handsome and muscular like a male supermodel"
And immediately, genius turns him into beautiful Adonis. The official then asks:
"I want to be sent to a Polynesian island populated only by native nymphomaniacs!"
And all of a sudden, the official lands on a beach of white sand, in the middle of a lagoon, encircled by young women who throw on him eyes full of desires.
To the genius who accompanied him, the official pronounced his third wish:
"I would never have to work again!" and POUF!
The grievor finds himself sitting at his desk.

The best jokes about bosses, business leaders and the best funny corporate stories

The best jokes about bosses, business leaders and the best funny corporate stories


-After multiple interviews for a job as secretary, the boss decides to summon three finalists by sending them a mail with 1000 euros.
On the day said, the first candidate says:
- Sir, you put, by mistake, 1000 euros in the envelope. Here they are.
The second :
- Thanks for the advance. I really needed it.
The third :
- I placed the 1000 euros on the stock exchange and made 1500. I return 1000 euros and keep the balance.
Question: Which of the postulants has been hired?
Answer: The blonde with big tits!


-Traffic ticket
One day, I leave the restaurant and I see a police officer who writes a ticket.
I approach and say to him:
- I only stayed five minutes at the baker's. Can not you cancel this ticket?
He ignores me superbly and continues to write.
"You heck, I can not help but tell him.
And now he draws another ticket for lack of reflective plate at the front of the vehicle.
My blood is just a trick and I bawl it copiously:
- Ostia of failure, by-product of weak, cursed dog, impotent, illiterate, hemorrhoid hypertrophied and so on!
Ah, there, I used all the riches of my vocabulary. It goes on for another quarter of an hour, and the cop, without flinching, accumulates the tickets under the windshield wiper.
I see that all this leads us to nothing and I throw in the towel.
So, after the departure of the agent, I walk quietly to my car, parked two streets away, leaving the pleasure to my boss to discover his car leaving the restaurant ...


-Gardener
A gardener tells his boss:
- I assure you, sir that I accomplished my work with all my heart!
- Well, my friend, to vary a little, why not do it with your hands instead?

Two colleagues are having lunch at the canteen of their company.

Two colleagues are having lunch at the canteen of their company.
For dessert, the first, after peeling his pear, aligns the seeds on the table. His friend is surprised, so the other explains:
"So you do not know with the seeds, eaten apart, make you smarter?"
- No, I did not know ... I want to try!
- Okay ! It will cost you 1 euro the seed, there are 8, so it's 8 euros. The guy pays and eats the seeds.
Suddenly, he makes a comment:
- All the same !
Do you take me for a fool? For 8 euros, I could buy several pounds of pears!
- You see, the seeds are already having an effect!

An engineer, an accountant, a chemist, a computer scientist and a public servant boasted of having a wonderful dog.

An engineer, an accountant, a chemist, a computer scientist and a public servant boasted of having a wonderful dog.
To prove it, the engineer says to his dog:
- Square root, show us what you can do.
The dog trots up to a desk, takes paper and a pencil and quickly draws a square, a circle and a triangle.
The accountant tells his dog named Chiffrier:
- Show them your skill.
The dog goes into the kitchen and comes back with a dozen cookies and places them in 3 equal piles of 4 cookies.
The chemist claims that his dog can do a lot better:
"Thermometer," said he, "make your number!
The dog opens the refrigerator, takes a liter of milk, gets a 10-ounce glass in the cupboard and pours exactly 8 ounces of milk
without spilling a single drop.
The computer scientist believes to supplant them all:
"Drive hard," he commands, "impress them with your turn!
The dog settles in front of a computer, starts it, sends the anti-virus program, sends an email and installs a new game.
The four men turn to the official and tell him:
- And what can your dog do?
"Coffee break," said the official, "show us your talents!
The dog gets up, eats the cookies, drinks the milk, erases all the files from the computer, sexually attacks the engineer's dog, pretends to be
injured on the back while doing so, completes a Work Accident Form and takes a six-month sick leave.

An official goes to the countryside to learn the work of the farm

An official goes to the countryside to learn the work of the farm. The farmer asks him to spread a large pile of manure in a field, saying that this work should take him in the morning. The farmer returns 1 hour later and finds, blown away, that the work is finished.
- Well, as you seem very efficient at work, I'm going to give you a job that should not take you more than an hour, it's about sorting this bunch of potatoes by separating the big ones from the small ones.
But when the farmer comes back, the official did absolutely nothing, he holds a big potato in one hand and a small one in the other.
The farmer asks him what is going on because he does not understand anything anymore.
And the other to answer him: You know to make a decision, it's harder.

Recruitment

The HRD:
- Hello, sit down and tell me about yourself.
The official candidate:
- I must inform you that I am handicapped.
The HRD:
- Serious?
The guy :
- I jumped on a mine and I lost my testicles.
The HRD:
- It does not matter, you start Monday, the hours are 8h-16h but you, you come for 10H.
The candidate :
- I do not want any special treatment, I want to start at 8 am, like the others.
The HRD:
- Do not worry, we arrive at 8 o'clock but, until 10 o'clock, we scratch the balls in front of the coffee machine.

A boss gets angry after one of his employees:

A boss gets angry after one of his employees:
- You had to go back to work a fifteendays ago. Where did you go?
- I was ... uh! on holidays in the mountains!
- And that's what justifies your fifteen days late?
- In a way, yes. Because there, there was a wonderful echo, with which my wife had exciting conversations. But every night, what distressed her was the idea of leaving without her having the last word!

The following 15 Police Comments (listed in reverse order) were "allegedly" lifted from actual police car video surveillance tapes

The following 15 Police Comments (listed in reverse order) were "allegedly"
lifted from actual police car video surveillance tapes. No specific region.
Supposedly they come from all around the U.S.A.

15 Police Comments:

#15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. ! Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through CPI C/NCIC.."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."

Jokes and Jokes : I'm tired - because I'm overworked. Here's Why

For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep,  not
> enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, ear wax build-up, poor
> blood or anything else I could think of.  Now I've found out the  real
> reason
> I'm tired - because I'm overworked. Here's Why- The population of Canada
> is 30 million. 11 million are retired, that leaves 19 million to do the
> work. There are 5.5 million in school, that leaves 13.5 million to
> do the work.  Of these there are 3 million employed by the  federal
> government, leaving 10.5 million to do the work.  1 million are  in
> the armed forces, preoccupied with killing terrorists, which leaves 9.5
> million to do the work. Take from that total the 7 million people
> who work for provincial and city  governments, and that leaves 2.5 million
> to
> do the work.  At
> any given time, there are 476,000 people in hospitals, leaving 2,024,000
> to do the work. Now there are 1,211,998 people in prisons and 812,000
> on employment insurance and welfare. That leaves just two people to do
> the work. You and me. And there you are sitting on your ass, at your
> computer, reading jokes.