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| Husband & Wife jokes |
Showing posts with label MEN/WOMEN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MEN/WOMEN. Show all posts
Ways to tell a women is mad at you...
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| Ways to tell a women is mad at you... |
Funny And Hilarious Jokes To Tell Your Girlfriend
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| Funny And Hilarious Jokes To Tell Your Girlfriend |
10 Cute things to say to your girlfriend to show you care
Cute things to say to your girlfriend to show you care
Pregnancy Answers and Question, Sent this to some who is pregnant. OMG this is too funny!
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| Pregnancy Answers and Question, Sent this to some who is pregnant. OMG this is too funny! |
How To make Your Wife Listen To You
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -
Talk in your sleep
Adult jokes-Cold hands
A couple decided to go to Alaska for a romantic weekend.
When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop
some wood for that fire place.
He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands
were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he
did and went back outside to finish chopping wood.
He came in after another 5 minutes and said honey my hands
are cold again. So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm
them. So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood.
5 minutes have passed and he went in again and said, honey
my hands are cold again. She then said, Damn don't your ears ever get cold?
Hilarious jokes-Looking for a Card
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking
at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"
"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have
any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
Sarcastic jokes-Bottle of Viagra
A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for a bottle of Viagra.
The pharmacist says, "Do you have a prescription?"
The guy says, "No, but here's a picture of my
wife."
Adult jokes-Wife's panties
Two guys were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Damn," the first guy said, "as soon as I get
home, I'm gonna rip the wife's panties off!"
"What's the rush?" his buddy asked.
"The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"
I Love You My Husband- Funny Jokes
A woman on her death bed asks her husband to rush home and
get a wooden box out from under their bed. The man retuns home, gets the box
out from under the bed and opens it to find 3 eggs and $7000.00 in cash.
He returns to the hospitial and asks his wife: "Honey,
why are there 3 eggs and $7000.00 in cash?" She replied: "Well, over
our 35 years of marriage whenever we had bad lovemaking I would put an egg in
the box." So, immediately the husband thought of himself as a love
machine.
And he asked her then: "Well, what is the money
for?" And she replied: "Everytime I got a dozen eggs I sold
them!!!!"
Going Fishing Joke
A man called home to his wife and said: "Darling , I
have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his
friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get
that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a
week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I
will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk
pyjamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good
wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came
home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and
asked if he caught many fish? He said: 'Yes! Lots of salmons, some bluegills,
and a few swordfishes. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I
asked you to Do?
" You'll love the answer,folks......The wife replied:
"I did, dear. Your new blue silk pyjamas are in your fishing box!"
...
Matchmaker Joke
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor
for many years. "Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the
one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in
no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two
sisters at home, who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the
world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were
mine!"
Funny One Liner
Funny One Liner
"What do you call a woman who knows where her husband
is every night?" I said: "A widow."
I Love You Joke
A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a
story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: "God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa." The father asked,
"Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't
know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa
died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few
months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which
went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye
Grandma." The next day the grandmother died .
"Holy Moley, thought the father, "this kid is in
contact with the otherside." Several weeks later when the girl was going
to bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the
crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch
and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would
be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the
end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and
jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief
and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work
so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it,
I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you
had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning. "My
golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson."
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