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Showing posts with label MARRIAGE JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MARRIAGE JOKES. Show all posts
Funny One Liners On Love And Marriage, Hilarious Funniest comments ever made
Funny One Liners On Love And Marriage, Hilarious Funniest comments ever made
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
One evening, after nearly 25 years of marriage, a couple is in bed when
One evening, after nearly 25 years of marriage, a couple is in bed when
the woman feels that her husband begins to caress her as he had not done for a long time.
He begins by caressing his hair, then down the back to the hollow of the kidneys. He caresses her shoulders, then the neck, then the breasts and stops dead on her lower abdomen. He then began to place his hand on the inside of her left arm, touching once again her breast, her hip and then runs her buttocks and her left leg to the calf. Then he goes back inside the thigh and stops at the top of his leg. He does the same thing on the other side and stops suddenly, turns to the side and turns on the TV without saying a word.
As all these caresses had done her a lot of effect, she asks him lovingly: "Honey, it was wonderful, why did you stop? "
He mumbles:
"I found the remote control"
the woman feels that her husband begins to caress her as he had not done for a long time.
He begins by caressing his hair, then down the back to the hollow of the kidneys. He caresses her shoulders, then the neck, then the breasts and stops dead on her lower abdomen. He then began to place his hand on the inside of her left arm, touching once again her breast, her hip and then runs her buttocks and her left leg to the calf. Then he goes back inside the thigh and stops at the top of his leg. He does the same thing on the other side and stops suddenly, turns to the side and turns on the TV without saying a word.
As all these caresses had done her a lot of effect, she asks him lovingly: "Honey, it was wonderful, why did you stop? "
He mumbles:
"I found the remote control"
Before marriage :
Before marriage :
She: Hi!
He: Ah since the time I'm waiting for that.
She: Do you want me to leave?
Him: no. I do not even dare to think about it.
She: Do you love me?
Him: Of course! Very much !
She: You already deceived me?
Him: No! Why do you ask ?
She: Do you want to kiss me?
Him: Whenever I have the opportunity.
She: Will you beat me one day?
He: You're crazy! No way !
She: Can I trust you?
Him: Yes!
She: Honey!
After marriage :
Reread the same text from bottom to top
She: Hi!
He: Ah since the time I'm waiting for that.
She: Do you want me to leave?
Him: no. I do not even dare to think about it.
She: Do you love me?
Him: Of course! Very much !
She: You already deceived me?
Him: No! Why do you ask ?
She: Do you want to kiss me?
Him: Whenever I have the opportunity.
She: Will you beat me one day?
He: You're crazy! No way !
She: Can I trust you?
Him: Yes!
She: Honey!
After marriage :
Reread the same text from bottom to top
Bob has decided to get married
Bob has decided to get married, but before making his request he wants to talk to his mother ...
- You know Mom, I met a beautiful girl, I would like to marry her but I would still like you to meet her before.
- Yes, if you want my son, said the mother.
- That's what we'll do, Bob answers, next Saturday, I'll come with three girlfriends. One of her is the woman I love. I do not tell you which one and we talk about it afterwards, okay?
"Yes, if you want my son," said the mother. Saturday comes, Bob comes with his three girlfriends all beautiful, smart etc. The dinner is going on, the girls are leaving.
- So Mom, said Bob, do you think you've found out who's the woman of my life?
And the mother answers ...
- It would not be the one who had the blue dress?
Bob stunned ...
- That's her. But how did you do it? They are all three beautiful, nice, etc ... How did you do to identify it right away?
And the mother answers ...
- I do not know ... I do not like it!
- You know Mom, I met a beautiful girl, I would like to marry her but I would still like you to meet her before.
- Yes, if you want my son, said the mother.
- That's what we'll do, Bob answers, next Saturday, I'll come with three girlfriends. One of her is the woman I love. I do not tell you which one and we talk about it afterwards, okay?
"Yes, if you want my son," said the mother. Saturday comes, Bob comes with his three girlfriends all beautiful, smart etc. The dinner is going on, the girls are leaving.
- So Mom, said Bob, do you think you've found out who's the woman of my life?
And the mother answers ...
- It would not be the one who had the blue dress?
Bob stunned ...
- That's her. But how did you do it? They are all three beautiful, nice, etc ... How did you do to identify it right away?
And the mother answers ...
- I do not know ... I do not like it!
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE
THE
10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE
Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But
so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is
at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman
speaks and the man listens. In the third
year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his
wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman
become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie
awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before
you finish.
Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is
beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter
of chemistry. That is why wife treats
husband like toxic waste.
Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is
married. After that, he is finished..
Bonus Commandment story.
A long married couple came upon a
wishing well. The wife leaned over, made
a wish and threw in a penny. The husband
decided to make a wish too. But he
leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for
a moment but then smiled,
"It really
works!"
MUST READ To celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary,
To celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary, a man decided to offer a couple of hamsters to his wife. The two animals seem very in love with each other and perfectly symbolize the perfect marriage.
But as soon as she sees the cage containing the two specimens, the woman makes a good back and exclaims: "But you are completely crazy, what do you want me to do with this?"
The husband points out to his wife how both hamsters seem complicit and happy. But this one, disgusted, resumes: "And first, where do you want me to put them?"
The husband immediately proposes: "We could install them in the bedroom ..."
Immediately, the wife replies: "But you do not think about it ... And the smell?"
The man answers: "Oh for that, they will do like me, they will have to get used to it."
But as soon as she sees the cage containing the two specimens, the woman makes a good back and exclaims: "But you are completely crazy, what do you want me to do with this?"
The husband points out to his wife how both hamsters seem complicit and happy. But this one, disgusted, resumes: "And first, where do you want me to put them?"
The husband immediately proposes: "We could install them in the bedroom ..."
Immediately, the wife replies: "But you do not think about it ... And the smell?"
The man answers: "Oh for that, they will do like me, they will have to get used to it."
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