70% of Palestinian males say they enjoy sex in the shower;
the other 30% haven't been to prison yet.
Showing posts with label ARAB JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ARAB JOKES. Show all posts
Funny And Hilarious Arab Jokes - ''Arab Jokes''
Arab Jokes
There was a Lebanese man, a Jewish man and Claudia Schiffer
sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the Province.
Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an
old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely
dark Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and
the Lebanese man were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Jewish man had
his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.
The Jewish man was thinking: The Lebanese fella must have
kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: The Jewish fella must have
tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Lebanese man and got slapped for it.
And the Lebanese was thinking: This is great. The next time
the train goes through a tunnel, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap the
Jewish bastard again
Funny Arab one Liners - Funny And hilarious Arab Jokes
Funny Arab one Liners
What do you call a good looking Lebanese woman?
Asif.
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What do you call an arab drowning in the ocean?
Fukim.
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What do you call a good locking woman in Lebanon?
Tourist.
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What do you call 1 Lebanese man on the moon?
A Problem.
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What do you call 1000 lebenese on the moon?
A Big Problem.
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What do you call all lebenese on the moon?
Problem solved.
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What do you call a lebonese man in a line up?
Wasim.
The Arab Doctor Joke
Ahmed the Arab came to Sydney from the Middle East, and he
was only here a few months when he became very Ill.
He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help
Him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor, who said, ‘Take dees bocket, go Into
de odder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and den put your head Down
over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.’
Ahmid took The bucket, went into the other room, shit in the
bucket, pissed on the shit, Bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten
minutes.
Coming back to the Doctor he said, ‘It worked. I feel
terrific! What was wrong with Me?’
The doctor said, ‘You were homesick .’
An Arab Walks Into A Bar Joke
The President of the USA, George Bush, and his Vice
President, Dick Cheney, are sitting in a bar. A Arab walks in, sees them and
asks the barman, “Isn’t that the President and the Vice President sitting over
there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.”
So the Arab walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real
honour! What are you guys doing in here?” Bush says, “We’re planning World War
Three.”
And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?” Bush
says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Arabs and one blonde with big
breasts.”
The Arab exclaimed, “A blonde with big breasts? Why would
you kill a blonde with big breasts?” Bush turns to Cheney and says, “See, I
told you no one would care about 140 million Arabs”.
An Arab Wants A Wife Joke
US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle
East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for
your woman.”
After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for
sale.”
The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”
The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get
100 camels back home.”
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a
pint of fermented goat’s milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through
pictures and they start reminiscing.
“This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr.”
“This is my second son. He is a martyr also.”
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says
wistfully, “They blow up so fast, don’t they?”
Failed Afghan recruitment slogans
Failed Afghan recruitment slogans:
Be Allah you can be!
Martyrs have more fun!
Free camouflage turbans! Sign up today!
Uncle osama wants you!
Very Funny Arab One Liners Arab Jokes
Very Funny Arab One Liners
Arab Jokes
Q: How do you tell when an arab has gone through puberty?
A: He takes his diaper off of his ass and puts it on his
head.
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Q: Why aren’t there any WalMarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there’s a Target on every corner.
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Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a camel’s ass?
A: An Afghani mechanic.
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Q: What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?
A: map!
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Q: In Iraq, Why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex
education on the same day?
A: Its just too hard for the camels…
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Q: How do you stop an Arab from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.
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Why are camels called “Ships of the Desert”?
Because they’re full of Arab seamen…
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When is the only time you can spit in a arab womans face?
When her mustache is on fire!
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What do you ask a man who’s just converted to Islam?
Have you started beating your wife.
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How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the
Jews.
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How many Muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
What’s toilet paper?
Funny Arab Jokes Onliner
Requesting a three day pass
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding
Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the
Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something
spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later
in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do
it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the
Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up,
the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you
want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
Very Funny Arab Joke
An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without
finding a source of
water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's
crawling through the
sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a
sudden he sees a
shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of
him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
discovers that he has
a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a
drop or two left in
the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.
But, this is no
ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi,
complete with black
alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it
works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab.
"I'm not going to trust a Jewish
genie!"
"What do you have to lose? It looks like you're a goner
anyway!" The Arab
thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie
is right. "OK, I
wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and
drink."
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has
ever seen and he is
surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish." "My
second wish is that I were rich
beyond my wildest dreams. "
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled
with rare gold
coins and precious gems. "OK, kid, you have just one
more wish. Better make it
a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab
says: "I wish I were
white and surrounded by beautiful women. "
***POOF***
The Arab is turned into a Tampax.
Funny Arab Joke - How Many Wives?
A German, Englishman and Arab are traveling on a train. They
get bored and start telling each other about their families.
The German says, "I have 4 kids, one more and they'll
make a basketball team."
The Englishman says, "Huh! That's nothing I have 10 boys;
one more and I'll be the world-champion soccer-team's coach."
The Arab starts laughing. He says, "I've had 17 wives
and no kids! But one more wife and I'll open a golf course!"
Funny Arab Jokes - On A boat
An Arab, a Russian, a Jamaican, and an American are on a
boat. The Russian takes out a big flask of vodka, takes a sip, and then throws
it over board. The American asks him why he did that. "Where I come from,
we have plenty of vodka." Then, the Jamaican takes out a big roll of weed,
then smokes a little puff, and throws it over board, and the American asks why
he did that. "Where I come from, we have plenty of that." The Russian
then asks, "There must be plenty of something where you come from."
The American then throws the Arab over board.
Funny Arab Joke
Q: Why aren’t there any Wal-Marts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there’s a Target on every corner!
Very Funny Arab Joke
4.Q: An Egyptian, A Syrian, and an Iraqi jump off a bridge,
who hits the ground first?
A: Who gives a shit?
Arab Joke - Please Tell Me Why?
A young Arab asks his father "What is this weird hat
that we are wearing?"
"Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it
protects our heads from the sun," says the father.
Then asks the son "And what is this type of clothing
that we are wearing?"
The father is Obliged to reply: "It's a 'djbellah'
because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!"
The boy gets even more curious: "And what are these
ugly shoes that we have on our feet?"
Again the father lovingly explains: "These are
'babouches,' which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!"
Finally the son says, "Tell me Abba?"
"Yes my son?"
"Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still
wearing all this shit?"
Funny Funny Arab Joke
1.A sex therapist is travelling through the Middle East
getting data on goat-sex.
First he visits Mahmud, an Iraqi goat herder on the
outskirts of Baghdad. "Tell me" he says, "What method do you use
for goat sex?" Mahmud replies, "Well I trap her head in a fig bush
then attack from behind".
Next, the therapist goes to Egypt and visits Amar who works
on the banks of the Nile, and asks him the same question. "Well" says
Amar, I push her into the mud and when her back legs are stuck strong I grab
her from behind and give it to her real good."
Finally he Visits Abdul in the Gaza strip and again asks the
same question. Abdul answers, ""I stick her left front leg over my
right shoulder and her right front leg over my left shoulder and as she stands
on her back legs facing me ..."
"Hold on" interrupts the researcher, "this is
unusual". "Unusual?" asks Abdul, "In what way?"
"Well," says the researcher, "all the other Arabs
take the goat from behind, none of them face the sheep"
"What"! exclaims Abdul, "No kissing?"
Kingly Song
There was a middle eastern king that was having money
problems and decided that the only way to stay afloat was to sell his
valuables. He managed to sell everything off except for the Star of the
Euphrates. This was the most valuable diamond in the world.
He took it to a pawnbroker who opened him 100,000 rials for
it. “What?” said the king. “I paid one million for it! Do you even know who I
am?”
The pawnbroker said, “When you wish to pawn a star, it makes
no difference who you are.”
Arab Jokes - Iraqi Banking
An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French
Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the
check.
“That’s humiliation,” shouts the Iraqi, “why should the
French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!”
The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in
the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the
Iraqi on the head.
After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the
check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, “Tell me
why you didn’t sign the check the first time but signed it later on?”
The Iraqi said, You missed the point, you just told it to
me, but the American explained it.
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