If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has
no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus
calorie free.
If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it
also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories (water
has the same properties here).
If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas
cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your
friend's first cookie is calorie free, rule #1 is yours also. It would be rude
to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes
your cookie calorie free, as well.
Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall
to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and
the density of the caloric mass.
Any calories consumed during the frosting of The Christmas
cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting
from a knife without cutting your tongue.
Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red
ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. (Make
more red ones!)
Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th
Street" have NO calories because they are part of the entertainment
package and not part of one's personal fuel.
As always, cookie "pieces" contain no calories
because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no
calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will
cling to their plate. (We all know how calories like to CLING!)
Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories
because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. (It's a rule!)