A Catholic Dictionary - Just To Funny
Amen
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
Bulletin
Parish information, read only during the homily.
Catholic air conditioning.
Your receipt for attending Mass.
Choir
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the
congregation to lip-sync.
Holy Water
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
Hymn
A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher
than that of the congregation's range.
Incense
Holy Smoke!
Jesuits
An order of priests known for their ability to found
colleges with good basketball teams.
Jonah
The original "Jaws" story.
Justice
When kids have kids of their own.
Kyrie Eleison
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize
besides gyros and baklava.
Magi
The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
Manger
Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered
by an HMO.
The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always
been rough.
Pew
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.
Procession
The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass,
consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for
seats.
Recessional
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by
parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
Recessional Hymn
The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly,
since most of the people have already left.
Relics
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they
actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
Ten Commandments
The most important Top Ten list not given by David
Letterman.
Ushers
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating
capacity of a pew.