Level One
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get
up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys
another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at Level One you think to
yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of
sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".
Level Two
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just
spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again,
but at Level Two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're
thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway?
These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps
fingers) I'm cool.".
Level Three
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila.
You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're
thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"
At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink
for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get
drinking fantasies. (like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could
live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at
Level Three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're
thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and
a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".
Level Four
Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last
call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This
time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar.
Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy
is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to
leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an.... after hours
bar. And here, at Level Four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as
long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY
UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board
meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work
for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ... cool.".
Level Five
Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your
money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named
Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar
with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind
of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be
in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At
this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something
from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you
think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your
friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and
passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of
Level Five -- the sun.
You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk
out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging.
And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?"
Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night,
it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then
that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I
swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some
of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"