Looking for new, funny pickup lines? You've come to the right place. Readers from all over the Internet submit their favorite pickup lines here, and we've categorized them into topics. The funny lines get their own page, and are in fact our most popular category. We think you'll like these - and you might even find some of them effective!
*I have a small winky, but a big bank account.
*I just got out of Leavenworth. Can I steal you a drink? How about a BMW?
*I have a dirty weekend planned. Do you know what I’m going to do? Three loads of laundry.
*I’m going to commit suicide on Saturday. What are you doing Friday?
*The area around this place isn’t too safe. Would you like to go on a drive by? You can have the first shot.
*I tend to be a pretty responsible person. I’ve got a wife and kids…somewhere.
*You’re beautiful. You remind me of Whitney Houston before she met Bobby Brown. You’re not on crack, too, are you?
*I’ve just been diagnosed schizophrenic. Can I buy me a drink?
*Do you know the best way to stop back pain and lose 20 pounds? Get a penis reduction; it worked for me!
*I believe in reincarnation; where have you been all my past lives
*Funny Pickup Lines Make Me Hot!Tomorrow, I’ll have enough money to buy you anything you want and take you wherever you want to go – all you need to do is drive the getaway car.
*Have you ever considered having an interracial relationship? I may be white from the waist up, but I’m black from the waist down.
*Women don’t understand me. They think I have more issues than Life magazine.
*Men don’t understand me. They think I carry around more baggage than The Orient Express.
*Would you believe me if I told you I have a house on the beach? No? How about an apartment with seven roommates in Santa Monica? That’s more realistic – and we have rent control.
*If I’m not home by ten, the voices in my head start yelling at me.
*Would you mind if I stalked you while you’re here? Think of it this way: You’re in a popular singles bar with your number-one fan.
*Don’t mind me; people think that I’m a clown. Just watch out for these large shoes and the big horn in my pocket.
*My favorite singer is Mick Jagger. He can’t get no satisfaction, and neither can I. Want to help me change that?
*Would you like to sit in on my psychology class? I need something for show and tell.
*I quit my job today. I was a Beverly Hills gigolo. With all the demanding clients, overtime, and hazard pay, I figured that twenty years and a few million dollars is enough!
*My website is like MySpace.com. It’s called MyPlace.com; want to see it?
*Did I tell you I’m filthy rich and my mother’s dead?
*Remember me from group therapy? You’re the nymphomaniac, and I’m the lonely guy.
*Hi! I make more money than Bill Gates.
*I haven’t seen my ex-wife for over ten years. Nobody else has either; I’ll never tell.
*Can I buy you a drink? I still have some money left from that bank job I pulled the other day.
*Hi, I’m rich, and my name is ________.
*What’s your name? (Response) Oh, I thought it was Campbell’s, ‘cause you are mmm...mmm good.
*Levi’s should pay you a royalty.
*I used to live life in the fast lane. Now that I’m past 60, my only thrill is getting Meals on Wheels.
*Is your name Summer? It has to be, because you’re hot!
*What do you do for a living? I’m a proctologist; the sign on my office door says ‘park in rear.’
*You must work in a library because you just increased my circulation!
*Madam, I’m Adam.
*I hope I haven’t given you the wrong impression. I’m actually taller and richer than I look.
*Do you work at Subway?
*(In a gay bar): I just saw George Michael in the men’s room. He was asking about you.
*Remember that Beatles’ song, “All You Need Is Love?” Love is great, but, at my age, I’ll settle for regular bowel movements and a good night of TV.
*Want to go halfsies on a baby?
*I’ve been looking for a guy with a pocket protector!
*(As people leave a bar, stand by the door and say): Last chance before the freeway!
*My name is ____________. How do you like me so far?
*I cried at the end of “Boogie Nights.” That poor guy! He really got shortchanged!
*Would you like a gin and platonic or a Scotch and sofa?
*I can’t lie to anyone. I’m so transparent Stevie Wonder can see through me.
*Inheriting 80 million bucks isn’t much when you’ve got a weak hear
*(Speaking with a southern accent): Actually, Ma'am, ah'm not as tall as you think. Ah'm from Taixus and ah'm a sittin' on mah wallet.
*Would you like to see my boa constrictor?
*Hi, my friends call me Creepy. Were you a big fan of Jeffrey Dahmer too?
*This isn't a beer belly; it's a fuel tank for the love machine.
*"Urkuk lu Stalga." That's Klingon for "I love you baby."
*You ever been with a webmaster before? It's like nothing you've ever experienced.
*Once you make love to a man with Vulcan ears on, you never go back.
*You, me, here...this couldn't be better if I programmed the holodeck myself.
*You look just like Lois Lane in that skirt and I'm wearing my Superman underoos...it's either fate or the menacing hand of Lex Luthor at work.
*Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light saber?
*Didn’t I see you in Girls Gone Wild?
*Where does this bus go anyway?
*People keep telling me that I’m overweight. Just because I buy my underwear in the extra-large equator size doesn’t mean I’m overweight – does it?
*I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
*Do you want to go for a ride on my bike? It’s a Schwinn, and I can pedal it really fast!
*People say I remind them of a cute teddy bear; I weigh 500 pounds, I’m really hairy, and I sleep all winter.
*If you come home with me, we can do whatever we want – as long as we don’t wake up my mom.