Dear mom, dear dad,
It's been three months since I left for university. I was late to write to you and I'm sorry for neglecting you.
Now, I'll let you know. But before reading the rest, sit down. You do not continue, as long as you're not sitting, huh?
I'm pretty good now. The fracture and head trauma I had while jumping out of my flaming room window shortly after I arrived are now almost cured. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and my vision returned to normal. In addition, these terrible migraines happen to me more than once a week at most.
Fortunately, the convenience store cashier across the way had seen it all. She was the one who notified the firefighters and called the ambulance. She also came to see me in the hospital and as I did not know where to go with the apartment reduced to ashes, she was kind enough to offer me to live at home. In fact, it's just a room in the basement, but it's pretty cute. Twice my age, she is an adorable woman and we fell madly in love. We want to get married. We have not chosen the date yet, but it will be before her pregnancy begins to be seen.
Eh! yes, dear parents, I'll be dad soon. I know how anxious you are to become grandparents and I am sure you will welcome the baby with all the love and care you showed me when I was little. The only thing that delays our union is the small infection my fiancée has and that prevents us from taking the prenuptial tests. I too, foolishly, I caught it, but all that will quickly disappear with the injections of penicillin that I make every day.
I know you will welcome him with open arms in our family. She is very nice and although she has not done a lot of studies, she has a lot of ambition. Although she is not of the same race or religion as us, I know your tolerance is still reaffirmed and I am sure you will not attach any importance to the fact that her skin is a little darker than ours.
I'm sure you'll like him as much as I do. Since she is about your age, I'm sure you'll get along well and have a lot of fun together. Her parents are also very good people: it seems that his father is a famous mercenary in the African village where she comes from.
Now that I have informed you, you must know that there was no fire in the apartment. I have no trauma or fractured skull, I did not go to the hospital, I'm not engaged, I do not have syphillis and there is no tanned woman in my life. It's just that I had a 5/20 in physics, 8/20 in math and 4/20 in bio and I wanted to help you put things into perspective.
I kiss you greatly.