1) Catch the cat and place it in the crook of your left arm as if you were holding a baby. With your right hand, apply pressure to each side of her mouth by holding the pill in your hand. When the cat opens its mouth, throw the pill inside. Give him some time to close his mouth and swallow.
2) Pick up the pill from the floor and the cat from the back of the sofa. Place the cat in the crotch of your right arm (to avoid injury to your left arm) and repeat the operation.
3) Get the cat in the bedroom and throw the soggy pill.
4) Take a new pill. Take the cat in the hollow of your arm that will bleed the least. Hold the hind legs of the cat with your hand. Force the opening of the cat's mouth and push the pill at the back of the throat with your finger. Hold his mouth closed and count to 10.
5) Pick up the pill from the aquarium and the cat from the top of the closet. Go to the garden and ask your wife to help you.
6) Kneel on the floor and firmly hold the cat between your knees. Hold the front and back legs. Ignore the cat's grunts. Ask your wife to hold the cat's head firmly with one hand while with the other hand she places a ruler of wood in the cat's mouth to slide the pill. Rub the cat's throat vigorously.
7) Pick up the cat from the top of the curtain pole and take a new pill. Take note to buy a new ruler of wood and repair the curtains. Carefully brush the broken vases and figurines and set them aside for later gluing.
8) Wrap the cat in a large beach towel and ask your wife to lie on the cat leaving only her head. Place the pill on the end of a straw to drink, force the opening of the mouth of the cat with a pencil and blow in the straw.
9) Check the packaging of the pills to make sure the pills are not harmful to humans and quickly take a beer to make the taste go away. Help your wife apply bandages to her wounds and clean the blood on the carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Get the cat in the neighbor's garage. Take another pill. Open another beer. In the kitchen, empty a cabinet. Place the cat inside and close the door on the cat's neck so that only its head protrudes. Force the opening of his mouth with a dessert spoon. Insert the pill with an elastic band.
11) Get a screwdriver in the garage and put the cabinet door on its hinges. Drink your beer. Take out a bottle of Scotch and take a shot. Apply a cold compress on your chest and see in your health record what date your last injection against tetanus. Apply a compress to disinfect. Drink another shot. Throw away your sweater and take a new one out of your wardrobe.
12) Call the fire department to pick up your cat's cat from the top of the tree on the other side of the road. Excuse yourself with your neighbor who ran into the fence trying to avoid the cat crossing the street. Take the last pill of the pack.
13) Attach the front legs to the back legs with string that you attach securely after a leg of the table. Find gloves for heavy work in the garage. Place the pill in its mouth followed by a large piece of meat. Be firm. Hold your head vertically and pour 2 liters of water down the throat to melt the pill.
14) Drink the rest of the scotch bottle. Ask your wife to take you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while the doctor restores your fingers and forearm and removes the remaining pill from your right eye. Returning home, stop at the furniture store to buy a new table.
15) Call the Society for the Protection of the Animals so that they come to get your "death cat" and call the animal shop to find out if they have guinea pigs.